Trying

An androgynous attempt at writing words to be read. Some days i feel so used by you, what kind of fool set an alarm to sharpen the knives you plan on cutting food you made me, wounds you gave me?

Everyone leaves. No one loves you more. Everyone wants a piece of your pretty. An expired carton of milk, sucked out of a cow whose dried up nipples can produce sour about the same as they can fathom what it means to heal. 

It's hard to spit on love. A blood pact in the form of a baby can't make your partner stay. I'm fun when 

I'm funny, you make me feel so dumb. I can't go on warning others of my intoxicating opinions & my pride as if I'm some unlovable monster that quietly eats freedom with a common side effect of uncertainty. What does it mean to, "i want you," for someone who feels so dis- heart-end 

i dont want to be a raven tonight,

it's snowing in Boise. everyone shares a very thought out collection of scarves and comments on poor road etiquette. i can imagine the build up of crisp air waiting for you to dive off a board like a bomb and into your car. all the warm drinks you pick up with both hands and hover your mouth over the top sippy cup, trying not to burn what little taste buds you have left for the week.

did you know we present ourselves as birds of paradise?  well, we do. here is a dance, for you to see my body move. i can be so agile. i can slow you down. there i've left you a piece of my feather. so you can study its translucent qualities, deep and saturated hues i've spent my whole life growing. did you know i call out for you? i'm hard to catch, but im coded to call for your attention. and if you don't see me, i'm here anyway. ceremoniously torso-ing my hips, singing into my own echos.

we hunt for each other. we catch the other bird. say this, "give me a chance." until one hooks her own leash to her neck and says, "i want love." that's me. i want love. the flailing of my leash has crippled me. it asks to be tamed, as absurd as one single snake off of medusa's head, whose tongue chants sssssssssss and i realize how disheartening this message must be. 

how many bright eyed birds will i turn to stone? how many gorgeous creatures will come to hold my leash and i wont let you love me? show me yours and ill give you mine? i'm fine, i'm fine, i'm fine.

(you do this
every time i come in. i come out. i come undone. i come

a round) circle acting. your love 

is unfair. your love 

is unfair. i don't play 

your truth vs my dare.