10.14.2016

pitty party you can have him and i will remove posession if it really matters to you, but apparently; my feelings don't

I've been wrong about many things but my intuition has never been
I can tell youre lying and I tell
you lie to me
Even worse,
you lie to you.

youre a liar tonight
dragging me through
a future where you make me have to look you in the face and say,
I told you so
many times I knew youll hurt me.

How is this worth it? How have you made me?
Nothing you say makes sense.
Even worse,
Nothing you do makes sense. 

8.29.2016

It's really just a shower scene,
Look how normal we can be--
I'm looking at you
And you ask me what's the deal with Miguel,
Tush! Tush! Tush!
I shrug and remember your eyes warming me,
"This bokchoy is beautiful, tho."

Do you wanna dance?
Yep, me too.
Our limbs feel lovely
We pretend we're a choir
Do you like hugs?
Yep, well, me too.

"This new frank ocean sounds like me when I do my nasal rap, and this weird part sounds like you,"
"Yeah, I'm the harmonics!"

And in the ocean, I wash your hair
On my tip toes, I reach for your eyes
Come on and warm me. Come on.



8.26.2016

You don't symbolize with me,
Or want to see my leg work,
You want to see my legs.

I earthquake
Intake
And i break
what little patience
This incredibly dumb flesh has
That I pretend I control
Over you tubes lubes pubes

My body holds inside
Of it a voice
You can't hear, hi, hello 

8.24.2016

Struggling. 

5.12.2016

my heart tonight

paper petals, plastic bags, pinning I'm pinning and
i wonder what it is like to pine for it
where do my tears, like a stream running down, carry me?
all times I've pushed through taffeta bodies only to be carried ashore by my very tears, dried by the sun and hardened by the commands, who cares about your coral. not a single person can keep me from sinking, washed up drying on the sand like a shark can't simply walk back into the ocean, i whimper there to be seen. to be helped. to be fed.

someones dream come true.


4.26.2016

what is it in us?

a displaced "fourty" year old has displaced herself in my book.
Diaries 1910-1913 Franz Kafka.
she says it was lovely meeting you, and to yours truly; if you wanna.

to boo!hoo! or to bookmark? you'll be happy to know i placed her on page 40:

January 3. "You," I said, and then gave him a little shove with my knee, "I want to say goodbye." At this sudden utterance some saliva flew from my mouth as an evil omen.

She can live there and feel silly or stay in Oakland on March 04, as the postmarked date suggests.

and it's ironic, and it's sad, two nights prior i dreamt i drew a pig on the abdomen of a child. i threw up in a bathtub:  a hairball.  my doors felt gun shots and i anticipated being attacked. later, i panicked and it still rules me from the pit of my stomach, you said, i was dreaming of being vulnerable to you. and then you punched me in the gut with oblivion. i ache, i can't eat, i hate everyone and i hate love.

4.25.2016

Don't you want another fight? 
In the public eye, a pelvic thrust to the side,
My intuition runs hotter than the yellow 
Which shines above us, which warms us,
And I wish you'd melt in lava
I cannot reach you when diamonds rub their intentions;
A lackluster footsie, a moment to be open, are these legs not enough?

Are all men blind? What are they blind of? A woman has never calloused my fear with "you are crazy," Remember the days of pleading, 
Remember them most of all when you are bored of me. Then look at me from across the room,
I will not wait. 

4.05.2016

I'm thorny. I remember easier days. What is love supposed to do for us? "Love is work," but I already have a job. There are no take backs. No throw backs. What do you do for me? 

3.27.2016

everyone can see my ugly. I call you by your name.
in my hands, I hold what's at stake. A piece of meat that's rare.
there is no language that can puzzle together
why I hurt
it leads me to believe I need to wall up again.
wallow my walls, you call it pride,
but aren't they strong? No one can ache me here.
I hurt me before you can. And in my mind I'm free. 

2.11.2016

It is such a privilege to hear of someone's pain, the thoughts that make you worry that you've made the wrong decisions and will you forgive me and what can I say to make you see that at least I want to understand you but I'm sorry I fall short at the moment I can't seem to get over my own fuck ups I'm truly bothered that it looks as though I'm only feeding the selfish ego that lives inside my belly like starvation and pushes me to be someone you didn't meet someone I had no idea would grow to take your innocence and never give it back its gone somewhere dumb we are all so dumb like trash down it goes no bye-bye's for dumb girls.  You won't hear me share mine. It is a privilege to hear how much that hurt.